New Lyrics to another new song

[Laura Chow]

Aah, finally I wrote a song! lol. After trying so hard. *phew*

Well, here are the lyrics. I still wanna work on the first 2 verses. I don't like how the words go with the melody but I'm way too excited about producing another new song so I'm just gonna post it over here and will post the new one when I polished it. nice deal? alright.

Lyrics:
Can't You?

Baby it's hard to explain when things happen
I didn't wanna hide my feelings either
Instead of getting away running away
My emotions just deepened

Baby it happened so fast like the lightning
And like the change of the weather
I wanna run away run away run away
because I don't know what to do

Tell me why you're unpredictable
I felt as if I was the one chasing you
I can't deny because you're irresistible
But after I pulled back, you left me feeling blue

Can't you see that I want you?
Can't see you see that I need you?
Baby I can't live a day without you
Can't you feel my love around you?
Can't you say you love me too?
Baby all I need to say is I want you too

Baby ooh things would have been so much better
If only I had known
If only I had known, I'd still be holding on
I'd still be holding on to you

Oh why didn't I see this coming towards me?
You never told me you love me too
Oh I feel so stupid now
My world was crashed
And I can do nothing about it

Chorus

It's just that simple, I love you

But it seems too late now
To make you change your mind

Chorus

So, tell me what you think. I've recorded the audio too! lol. I'm not really fixed with anything yet so there are some mistakes on how the word goes during the recording but hope it'll give you a little idea of how the song goes and tell me what you think.

Here you go:
Can't You?

Enjoy! [/size]

[musiclover28463]

Hey Laura
Last 2 lines of your post=" Can't You Enjoy"
Well the answer is YES I CAN

k, so first couple of verses start out kinda slow, but I know u'll work on that

I always enjoy hearing ur new songs like this. Kinda like I'm there at their birth, haha. I get to hear the work-in-progress too & not havta wait A LONG TIME for a finished product
GO LAURA
380

[Laura Chow]

you bet!

glad you enjoyed it. Yeah.. the first 2 verses are pretty slow I have to say but like you said, I'll work on that.

[musiclover28463]

Great
381

[Ama]

Laura, honey, if you knew the stress I had for trying to log onto your messageboard to leave your a review on your new lyric, you'd be amazed

I'm gonna tell you the story, but most importantly I juz wanna tell you that I love the lyric. I haven't yet heard the song (that's part of the story) but I'm feelin it
Ya know, I wish I could just write a "love song" and not make it sound cheesy - but it always does somehow yours don't (break up or love songs, whatever) and I love that. I envy that
As a matter of fact, I was listening to Your Love and Over Now today while reading for my exam (chemistry! Friday! If you don't hear from me again i probably flunked and did something bad and was put to jail ), on CD cuz i burnt them down, and I had to just stop and smile and listen. I really love the guitar in Over Now - I think you have to teach me that strumming pattern some time when you go touring Europe and I'm your groupie (ew not like that! gutter head you! haha jk)

So my story.. not important. I'm not bothered to whine more about it now - i'm at my bro's crappy laptop because i only logged on to check emails and this way I wouldn't be tempted to stay on much longer than a few minutes because this computer really and TRULY su..s majorly! but it's good for doing schoolwork in MS Word

now, ttyl hunnay!

[Laura Chow]

Awww Ama! those were the sweetest words! it made my day although it's near midnight now but anyways, thank you sooo much for the review. I love it!

I'm so sorry about the problems that you've been tackling while logging onto my message boards. I guess that's how service is when you get it for free. I'm very sorry.

Alright.. so I was working on this song again just now to make the words more suiting to how I want it to be and that it suits the music (which is the most important thing btw). So here's my 2nd draft of the product.

I discovered something today (wait, gotta play my Spirit Room CD, I forgot I put it on pause I discovered that if I don't call my product a done one, I have a better chance of working on it and make it a better song. I don't know... somehow I feel that my lyrics and music are really lame. At the moment, I haven't really loved any songs I wrote dearly although they mean dearly. Somehow I find that hard but anyway.. I'm gonna let you see my 2nd time of product. I hope you like it!

-------------------------------

Baby, words can't explain how I'm feeling
I don't wanna hide them either
Instead of getting away running away
My emotions just deepened

Baby, it happened so fast like the lightning
I had many mixed emotions
I wanna run away run away run away
because I don't know what to do

Tell me why you're unpredictable
I felt as if I was chasing after you
I can't deny because you're irresistible
But after I pulled back, you left me feeling blue

Can't you see that I want you?
Can't see you see that I need you?
Baby I can't live a day without you
Can't you feel my love around you?
Can't you say you love me too?
Baby all I need to say is I want you too

Baby ooh things would have been so much better
If only I had known
If only I had known, I'd still be holding on
I'd still be holding on to you

Oh why didn't I see this coming towards me?
You never told me you love me too
Oh I feel so stupid now
My world was crashed
And I can do nothing about it

Chorus

It's just that simple, I love you

But it seems too late now
To make you change your mind

Chorus

It's just a little bit but I feel like the rest is still okay. When the inspirations come, I'll put better words into it. I so wanna call this my final product but I'm gonna work on it slowly. Somehow something inside tells me if I work on this song slowly, it'll be a great one.

Well, until inspirations really hit me.. I'm just gonna take things slowly for now.

Ama, thanks again for your review and compliments.
Why do you think that if you write a love song it'll sound cheesy? Let me see it if you wrote one and I'll tell you. deal? ;D you can send an email to me so it's all secret.. just between me and you.

Take care everybody!
Have a great Thursday tomorrow.

[musiclover28463]

Yep Laura. I think its an improvement too.
especially revise to the line "I felt as if I was the one chasing you"
just seemed too wordy to me & too many self references = I, I, the one.

Yep u have a GREAT Thursday too.
Keep
384

[Caz]

Laura! *waves* I haven't been here in a while (uni got crazy and I was in hospital *sniff* lol) but I can really relate to that song. I'm downloading it as we speak but I know it'll be great

[Ama]

Okay, I'm back and I'm DLing that song now.. finally... ( :::waiting::: ) Yay! Done. Okay. I'mma listen and give you that harsh truth while I have my first listen this is not the new revised version I guess so I'll take that into consideration.

BTW. I really really love the changes you did - the song suddenly caught more of a personality and a fullness.. if you understand what I'm saying. Lol.. okay. Now. I''ll listen!

first of OUCH!! I'm wearing headphones here and you banged the mic! *eeep* okay.. good guitar sound. ...I hear it's raw but I love how how "organic" your voice sound on this song. Kinda like a talking-ish thing.. sort of a place between Jewel, Alanis and Michelle.
And the strumming on the chorus rocks! I can never really get that stumming pattern to sound good (I try! Honestly I do but it sounds sloppy when I do it). *plays it again* I'm getting Hanson vibes here lol the new Hanson tho *grin*
The second chorus is very..full of sound. Juicy melodic guitar. Lol. And again, ORGANIC!

I love that word, that comes from being a Backstreet fan - lol! I think it's the Boys' favourite word for desciribing their new CD.

Okay so bottom line I really really like it. The part "I feel so stupid now, my world has crashed and I can't do anything about it" and then "but it seems too late now to make you change your mind" don't really seem to seem as quality as the rest of the song - I'm not saying it's bad or doesn't fit in or anything. The lyrics to the song are good and then those lines come and they're just a little too simple and more predictable. (or maybe it's just that I'm not too crazy about any sentence "my world has crashed" in a song because it's one of those clishes that my boy-band adoring past heard too much of)

Anyways, those were just MY comments. I don't know if you wanted them, but there they are. I love the song - it's very rocky and even though its a very rough recording I know that it's probably my favourite so far. I'd like to hear it with the new lyrics changes!

Okay. Now on the cheesy thing about me writing love songs? I wrote one not too long ago.. but it's not really a LOVE song. Ah, anyways. I'll post it in that section where I can promote myself so I don't fill up this board with my own stuff. I'm not sure if you've heard it - I have sent it to someone but I can't remember who. I think I called it "Say it out loud".

okies hunny! tty soon I hope!

[Laura Chow]

Yeah, I agree with the bridge. It wasn't meant to be there really.. I was just trying to fit a bridge in and see if it fits. Sometimes my songs don't have a bridge.. most of the time they do but looks like this won't need a bridge but I'll work on that. Thanks.

That's the thing I like about writing music and knowing people; they tell you what they think!! I love that. That's just absolutely amazing. It blows my mind away.

alright.. I urm.. recorded a cover of Jess' Memphis. It's just the first verse but it's a good try. lol. I love that song very much but I don't have the patience to learn the words right now. I know the words and everything but the words together with the music.. not quite yet.

So here's the clip. It won't work right now coz I haven't uploaded it yet but it'll be this add so come back and check or if the upgrades starting tonight, come over to my xanga to check it out!

www.xanga.com/mbnlaura

Song:
Memphis - Jessica Harp